Becoming a carer, my emotions and what helped me.

When it comes down to caring for a loved one with cancer, I definitely feel like I’ve been through it all.

Growing up wasn’t the easiest for me. It was always just me and my mum, living in the chaotic city of London. My mother and father both met in London, fell in love, got married and popped me out in 1999. I’ve never been close with my dad (especially in the last 2 years), because he ended being addicted to heavy drugs. He’s a good guy, but drugs changed him. This meant my mum had to raise me on her own. My entire childhood was spent with her by my side everyday, everything I done I’d do it with my mum. She was honestly my best friend! We would cycle across London, cook together and every single night, we would cuddle in the same bed together up until the day she had to go sleep at the hospital.

I remember that night. I stayed in the hospital way beyond the closing time for visitors because I felt like I couldn’t leave her alone. She eventually told me to go get some sleep so I walked home from St Guys Hospital in London Bridge. When I got home I sat down and had a massive cry. This was the first time I felt alone. Of course I was scared of losing her, but in that moment I was afraid of what was coming my way. I knew that day was the beginning of my journey of being a carer. I was 16 and I was actually on my own.

I often forget how young I am because being a young carer forced me to grow up fast. It does feel like you’re living an actual nightmare, but its important to stay strong and to be brave. For the next 3 months, (I was caring for him her for 4 years in total), whilst she was in hospital I would visit her as much as I could, whilst trying to balance going to sixth form and wrestling training. I wanted to make her feel like she wasn’t on her own in this, I was going to be with her every step of the way. This resulted in me feeling so exhausted because I wouldn’t have time for myself because my priority was my mum.

One thing that really helped me when I first started caring is acceptance. You have to accept that this is your life now, you can’t change it so just embrace it and try to enjoy every moment. This is all coming from my experiences and what helped me whilst going through such a difficult time. It took me ages to accept that my mum had cancer but once I did, things got a lot easier.